Connections

I have been ruminating on my past connections.

There are physical connections, simple connections, digital connections; connections you read about in romantic classical literature; connections watched in tragedies; connections that are quick and long-lasting, connections that form your psyche; connections that deform your psyche; connections that are exiled to forever exist inside of a car, house, or mind; connections lauded around with ecstatic and haughty proclamation, an external signifier of worth; connections that make you hate, yearn, fear, puke, love. Given the vastness surrounding and the density of term connection(s), whatever is it that I could ruminate on, and how could I ever express this in language (given that language is the very thing which initiates this disclarity)?

Connection. Here I use connection in a novel, technical sense: in their eyes behind the iris I see two lives contained: the soul of the subject-object and the soul of hidden meaning: implications stuffed away, hidden ciphers, codes, cryptograms, and interpretational double-speak. The subject-object soul expresses itself to all and makes itself known, connection exists when the soul of hidden meaning calls to you, letting you know, too, it can see that you see it back. You and your connecting partner talk in obscure languages, prompting hidden glimpses behind the veil; and a secondary method of communication, conducted with optical fluids; sudden, strategic glances; and mental reflections. The connection is entirely unfalsifiable to an external audience, and this is by design.

A past connection has plucked itself from the temporal fold and oriented its connectors’ ocular vectors towards my being: the eyes of Dr. TJ Eckleberg, outside my window, peering in: a semi-permanent fixture. All I must do is look back at the owl eyes, back at the glasses, back at Daisy. This cyclical torrential pool of a lazy-river, calming and inviting, a violent storm of a future unknown. It is a good thing I know to swim this time. It is a good thing I know that I know I can swim. I could always swim. I now know that.

I am excited for my future.

I am excited for the pantheon.