Learning to Publicly be Stupid

Learning to Publicly be Stupid

I am always terrified of appearing stupid. It's more than that, really; I am always terrified of not having my perceived humanness as smart. Perhaps some childhood issue---it doesn't matter what right now---which now constantly manifests as this fear (it feels more primordial). Loss of perceived character or identity (doesn't matter for this case).

This fear is what, I believe, has kept me from this "blog post a day" attempt. I am afraid to write something stupid or show my incompetence at times. I fear I am not a person if the projected person--- the I that I hope others perceive my being as---is incongruous with my judged actions of the current I. This causes great discomfort within this imagined self: reflection on the nonexistence of the self, the sudden struggle with the disillusion of consciousness; the self being but passing thoughts, passing analogies, passing concepts; reminds me of a mapping of atomic concepts, we can go on with that analogy: the self, as reflected in the public to verify the self that is the perception of the self, is in a bijective relationship; once bijectivity fails, the self realizes its true nature as but atomic mappings of concepts randomly permeating the mind---disillusionment occurs. This disillusionment will not fully resolve, until the onset of some return to the environment isomorphic to the projection. The projection harbors that such an event will not occur until the return to perceived institutes of elite status---even then, return doesn't quite fit.

The main remedy for such a malady might be exposure therapy: posting things regardless of potential failures and potential moments of incompetence, regularly, and having some, if not many, posts be gleaming with incompetences.

Tldr; I will try to write more.

SDVS